i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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