when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
splinters make it hard to masturbate
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
