Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
