i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
