just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize