hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My liver just had a heart attack.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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