You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
