I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
