i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
