I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize