Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
