i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
