I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You are a genius and a whore.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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