whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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