so that wasnt chicken after all
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
