Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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