Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
