...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
