I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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