you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize