I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
