i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
