I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
