Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
