she woke up with a sticky ear
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
