I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
