your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
