Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He has the fingertips of a God
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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