hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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