I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
