He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
