Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
