she woke up with a sticky ear
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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