I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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