The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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