Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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