What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
