The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
