Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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