oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
