On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize