i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
