Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
