his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
