i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
