On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
