Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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