I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
