In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
