The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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