My cat gives me a boner
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
