would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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