Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
