so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
