No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
