I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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