Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
