The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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