it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
