we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
