He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he thought i was a dude.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
