Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
