Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
