My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
