doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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