Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
