9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize