Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize