i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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