If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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