Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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