i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
