The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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