So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
