my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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