so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
