Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
