No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
