I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
