I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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