Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
