My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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