I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
