Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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