is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
