I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
