I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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