I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize