I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
