haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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