I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
