grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
