My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
