so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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